Did you know that when it comes to online dating, women are most afraid of meeting a serial killer, while men are most afraid of meeting someone fat? It’s true, they did a study on it.
I recently read an article on Huffington post that posed the question, “what happens when someone’s Tinder photos don’t match the real-life version?” Now if you don’t know, Tinder is an online dating app that lets you get “matched” to people that are in the vicinity of your area, depending on how far the parameters of distance that you set, the farthest being around 100 kilometers from where you are. The interesting thing about it is that the way you pick people is by swiping – right if you “like” them and left if you don’t. If you and the other person have swiped right to each other, you get a match and you can then start chatting and taking it from there. It’s garnered hilarious results, to say the least, simply because it’s an app that has allowed people an avenue to quickly, anonymously – and viciously – judge someone based on looks. I should know. I’m one of the more vicious ones.
(And that’s okay, you know, as long as you don’t take it too seriously and you’re still self-aware enough to know that the act of “tindering” is indeed shallow and actually quite horrible. Too bad it’s insanely fun. But I digress.)
Anyway, according to the Hufpost article, the YouTube channel Simple Pickup decided to try a little social experiment. They had a friend of theirs line up a couple Tinder dates using real photos of herself, which are all pretty and shows that she has a skinny body, and then had her show up to the date wearing a fat suit. Needless to say, the results were horrible.
On the flipside, they had a guy do the same thing, and the reactions of the girls were actually quite the opposite. While all of them did seem surprised/uncomfortable at first, and they all acknowledged that he looked different in his photos, they all stayed, they were all nice, and some of the dates even went from uncomfortable to legitimately nice times. (This makes me very proud to be a woman.)
Of course, there is a discussion to be had here, albeit a short one. Checking out the comments section of the Hufpost article did raise up some points. Douchey as they were. The most common of the points was that the girl had lied about how she looks – and that is a lie no matter how shallow that makes you – and the guys had a right to be angry because of this lie. And while the knee-jerk reaction is definitely to call out any guy that has the audacity to be angry at a girl for being fat, there is a sliver of truth to this argument.
Online dating is a tricky thing, and while you want to represent yourself in the best light possible, posting photos of yourself and saying that’s how you look, and then showing up completely different is pretty annoying. In a dating scenario where the picture and the text that you type down are all that the other party have to hold on to, those things need to be at least even a little bit on point.
HOWEVER, THIS DOES NOT GIVE YOU A RIGHT TO BE AN ASS. I think what upset me the most about how the guys reacted was that none of them were honest. Yes, it’s uncomfortable to find that you are on a date with someone who looks different, and probably someone you are not attracted to, but none of them were even honest about that fact. I mean, at least finish the date. Would that kill you? Is it that. awful. to be on a date with someone you’re not attracted to, even for a half hour? And if you reaaalllly reaaaaalllyyy can’t, if it is HUMANLY. IMPOSSIBLE. for you to finish the date, you could have at least grown some balls and be honest about it. As awkward as it would have been, the best way to react would have been to just be upfront about the fact that you are not attracted to them, and find that continuing the date seems pointless to you at that time. Brutal? Absolutely. But was it better than just making up an excuse and walking away? Definitely.
Look, I always hate it when people say that “looks don’t matter” when it comes to picking people that we date/get into relationships with. What bull. Of course looks matter! You have to at least be attracted to the person that you are looking to date. Now, whatever it is that attracts you is what is completely subjective. Even if you’re the only person in the entire world that is attracted to this person, what’s important is that you’re attracted. Looks shouldn’t be everything, but you’re lying to yourself when you say that it means nothing. Besides, it is a proven fact that people become uglier or more attractive once we get to know their real personalities. Have you ever noticed how otherwise plain looking people suddenly have this glow about them once you realize that they are amazing people? Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. On the other hand, a Victoria’s Secret model with a repugnant personality will always end up less attractive in the end. It’ll probably take you longer to get there (because beautiful people are just so darn nice to look at, and it distracts us from anything else about them) but try spending 20 years being married to an awful person. You might as well be married to a gargoyle.
So with that in mind, I get it. I get why these guys were upset that she wasn’t what they thought she was, that she turned out to be someone that they weren’t attracted to. It’s okay to say that you’re not attracted to a certain type of person. For example: I am 4’11, and for the most part I’m fine with it, but I definitely cannot find myself attracted to someone who is the same height as me. I am attracted to guys that tower over me (granted that’s not hard to do,) who have the capability to make me feel safe and protected. Does that make me a bad person? No. But if I end up on a date with someone who was 4 feet tall, I definitely would feel like there is no future for the two of us. Would I end the date or make an excuse to leave? Of course not. Would there be a second date? Probably not. Unless he was this amazing person whom I find myself a match to in every way possible. Then yeah, maybe. But then that’s a whole new branch of this discussion that is best for another time.
I guess what I’m trying to say is this: guys, it’s okay if you’re not into fat girls. It’s okay if you’re not into skinny girls. It’s okay if the only kind of girls that you find yourself attracted to are six-foot Amazonian women who look like they could break you in half. It’s. Oh. Kay. Who you’re attracted to is completely up to you. But if you don’t even have the balls to let the girl know that you’re no longer interested in dating her in a RESPECTFUL and DECENT way, then you are not much of a man. You are a child, and I demand that you surrender your testicles at once.