On One Man’s Opinion About My Uterus

I have a confession: when taxi drivers try to strike up a conversation with me and I don’t really feel like talking, I tend to just make things up. Most of them ask me if I’m married and/or how many children I have, and the stories kind of just go on from there. They ask their questions, and I hone my skills in yearn weaving.

Last night kind of jumped at me in particular though. He asked me if I had any children, and when I said no, he surprisingly exclaimed “dalaga pa po kayo ma’am???” (“you’re still single, ma’am???”) Not really wanting to discuss my love life with a random stranger at that specific moment, I started telling him about how I’m 30 years old (I’m 27) and I have a boyfriend (I’ve been single for almost a decade) and we’ve been together for 4 years (my longest relationship lasted 16 months and ended in college) but we’re not yet sure if we want to get married or if we even want to have kids at all in the future. In fairness, that part was true. I don’t even know if I want kids or not. (Which has many different reasons in itself but once again, wasn’t in a mood to overshare with a complete stranger) But in any case, it was really interesting how he started trying to politely tell me that I better get a move on because I’m already a certain age and it’s much better for women to start procreating as early as possible.

So here’s the thing. I have polycystic ovary syndrome. I found out a few months ago that both my ovaries have more than a dozen cysts on each one. After hours and hours of research and discussion on forums and even more research, one thing is clear: conceiving a child will never be easy for me. It’s not impossible, and there is still a small chance that it’ll happen without a sitch, but statistically I will have a hard time having kids.

As a woman, no matter what your views are on having kids, this is a heavy blow. It’s one thing to make a conscious decision to not have kids, but it’s another to be told that there’s a chance that you can’t have any. You feel like there’s something wrong with you, that you’re lacking as a woman, and that you suddenly have less to offer the world. It’s a strange feeling to have, walking around like you are a lesser version of the self that you always imagined you were. Twenty-seven years and here I was feeling like I was a freak all this time and that I didn’t know it. (Omg, is this how it feels to find out that you’re a mutant and that you have special powers??? I think so! Except… lame.)

But another thing that happened when I found out about my condition is that it complicated the discussion of having children. Now it isn’t even just about whether I would ever make a conscious decision to have them, but if I’m even willing to go through the treatments and medications and heartache that usually accompanies trying to conceive with this condition. Do I want kids? And if I feel like I do, do I want kids enough? 

So being given all of that, what really struck me last night was how it was such a clear thing to this man – I am a woman, if I don’t have children at all, I am just being selfish and that I wasn’t really fulfilling my purpose. It was that simple to him. I’m not a stranger to this kind of thinking, living in a largely patriarchal country like the Philippines means that you’re exposed to this kind of thinking all the time, ironically and laughably mostly coming from men. But it’s different to be confronted with it one on one, isn’t it? To be told that having children is not my choice, it is my purpose, and that my thoughts about not bringing more life into this (already overpopulated) world is selfish. By a man. Who will never even experience the childbirth that he is talking about.

Don’t get me wrong, I love kids. I loooove kids. Babies are the most precious thing in the world, and I truly believe that a new born baby is the only thing in the world that is still good and pure and without fault. The day my nephew came into the world, my whole outlook on life changed, and I finally kind of understood what it meant to have a baby change your life. But do I want one of my own? That’s still up for discussion. And it’s never, ever as simple a discussion as you think it is.

And if anything else, here’s a little piece of advice for all you men out there who find themselves agreeing with this man:

no uterus no opinion

Career Stockholm Syndrome

Don’t ask me how, but I stumbled into a career in an industry that doesn’t really afford me much free time. As much as I want to, advertising account managers or entertainment marketing managers don’t really get to go out of town on a whim every weekend (but hey if this is you, congrats, my dwindling social life commends you). So when a long weekend presented itself and it turned out that a couple others of my good friends were free, we took the chance to flit off to Batangas for a little R&R… and much to my dismay, a little mountain hiking.


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Here’s the thing – the hiking wasn’t really my idea. I don’t really climb things. I’m small. I’m afraid of tall things. I’d much rather dive or snorkel or play sports that involve balls. But I’d never done it before and I was told that Talamitam was a good mountain for beginners so I sucked it up and went along, promising myself that I wouldn’t be a whiny little betch.




I have to admit, the climb really wasn’t all that bad. The views were amazing, and the weather was cooperative (meaning the sun stayed away and the wind was cold – just the way I like it) and it was a wonderful opportunity to reconnect with my camera.






This is still one of my favorite sets of photographs, and I can’t believe it took me about 10 months to write about them.

The thing with this set is, every time I come across it, it reminds me that once upon a time, I wanted to be a photographer. I’m not saying that’s dead, just… in a coma. I got into advertising as a means to an end – a job/career that grants me stability so that I can save up enough to be comfortable yet still pursue my passions. It was a good, mature plan. But lately I’ve realized that my means to an end has become my reality, and it’s getting to that point that I’m actually starting to like it. So it’s not a bad thing, really, but it’s hard to accept that something I used to want with every fiber of my being is now something that I don’t even think of anymore. Did I just learn to cope, because it turns out – hey! – I’m pretty good at marketing? Is this growing up? Or am I just being a vapid middle class yuppie whining about her life?

Because the thing is, I like my job now. I like where I’m at career-wise. I’ve been having a ton of fun the past couple of months, and the financial stability is definitely something I feel like I worked so hard for and therefore deserve. So where do I go from here? Sometimes I still see the end goal I started out with, but sometimes I feel like every single thing that I’ve experienced in the past couple of years is telling me that I am meant for something else completely different.

So far, in the past 7-something years of being in my 20s, I’ve only come to realize one universal truth: we’re aaaall faking it. And if faking it has gotten me this far, I guess it won’t hurt to see where it takes me from here.

On Common Decency And The Subjectivity Of Attraction

Did you know that when it comes to online dating, women are most afraid of meeting a serial killer, while men are most afraid of meeting someone fat? It’s true, they did a study on it.

I recently read an article on Huffington post that posed the question, “what happens when someone’s Tinder photos don’t match the real-life version?” Now if you don’t know, Tinder is an online dating app that lets you get “matched” to people that are in the vicinity of your area, depending on how far the parameters of distance that you set, the farthest being around 100 kilometers from where you are. The interesting thing about it is that the way you pick people is by swiping – right if you “like” them and left if you don’t. If you and the other person have swiped right to each other, you get a match and you can then start chatting and taking it from there. It’s garnered hilarious results, to say the least, simply because it’s an app that has allowed people an avenue to quickly, anonymously – and viciously – judge someone based on looks. I should know. I’m one of the more vicious ones.

(And that’s okay, you know, as long as you don’t take it too seriously and you’re still self-aware enough to know that the act of “tindering” is indeed shallow and actually quite horrible. Too bad it’s insanely fun. But I digress.)

Anyway, according to the Hufpost article, the YouTube channel Simple Pickup decided to try a little social experiment. They had a friend of theirs line up a couple Tinder dates using real photos of herself, which are all pretty and shows that she has a skinny body, and then had her show up to the date wearing a fat suit. Needless to say, the results were horrible.

On the flipside, they had a guy do the same thing, and the reactions of the girls were actually quite the opposite. While all of them did seem surprised/uncomfortable at first, and they all acknowledged that he looked different in his photos, they all stayed, they were all nice, and some of the dates even went from uncomfortable to legitimately nice times. (This makes me very proud to be a woman.)

Of course, there is a discussion to be had here, albeit a short one. Checking out the comments section of the Hufpost article did raise up some points. Douchey as they were. The most common of the points was that the girl had lied about how she looks – and that is a lie no matter how shallow that makes you – and the guys had a right to be angry because of this lie. And while the knee-jerk reaction is definitely to call out any guy that has the audacity to be angry at a girl for being fat, there is a sliver of truth to this argument.

Online dating is a tricky thing, and while you want to represent yourself in the best light possible, posting photos of yourself and saying that’s how you look, and then showing up completely different is pretty annoying. In a dating scenario where the picture and the text that you type down are all that the other party have to hold on to, those things need to be at least even a little bit on point.

HOWEVER, THIS DOES NOT GIVE YOU A RIGHT TO BE AN ASS. I think what upset me the most about how the guys reacted was that none of them were honest. Yes, it’s uncomfortable to find that you are on a date with someone who looks different, and probably someone you are not attracted to, but none of them were even honest about that fact. I mean, at least finish the date. Would that kill you? Is it that. awful. to be on a date with someone you’re not attracted to, even for a half hour? And if you reaaalllly reaaaaalllyyy can’t, if it is HUMANLY. IMPOSSIBLE. for you to finish the date, you could have at least grown some balls and be honest about it. As awkward as it would have been, the best way to react would have been to just be upfront about the fact that you are not attracted to them, and find that continuing the date seems pointless to you at that time. Brutal? Absolutely. But was it better than just making up an excuse and walking away? Definitely.

Look, I always hate it when people say that “looks don’t matter” when it comes to picking people that we date/get into relationships with. What bull. Of course looks matter! You have to at least be attracted to the person that you are looking to date. Now, whatever it is that attracts you is what is completely subjective. Even if you’re the only person in the entire world that is attracted to this person, what’s important is that you’re attracted. Looks shouldn’t be everything, but you’re lying to yourself when you say that it means nothing. Besides, it is a proven fact that people become uglier or more attractive once we get to know their real personalities. Have you ever noticed how otherwise plain looking people suddenly have this glow about them once you realize that they are amazing people? Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. On the other hand, a Victoria’s Secret model with a repugnant personality will always end up less attractive in the end. It’ll probably take you longer to get there (because beautiful people are just so darn nice to look at, and it distracts us from anything else about them) but try spending 20 years being married to an awful person. You might as well be married to a gargoyle.

So with that in mind, I get it. I get why these guys were upset that she wasn’t what they thought she was, that she turned out to be someone that they weren’t attracted to. It’s okay to say that you’re not attracted to a certain type of person. For example: I am 4’11, and for the most part I’m fine with it, but I definitely cannot find myself attracted to someone who is the same height as me. I am attracted to guys that tower over me (granted that’s not hard to do,) who have the capability to make me feel safe and protected. Does that make me a bad person? No. But if I end up on a date with someone who was 4 feet tall, I definitely would feel like there is no future for the two of us. Would I end the date or make an excuse to leave? Of course not. Would there be a second date? Probably not. Unless he was this amazing person whom I find myself a match to in every way possible. Then yeah, maybe. But then that’s a whole new branch of this discussion that is best for another time.

I guess what I’m trying to say is this: guys, it’s okay if you’re not into fat girls. It’s okay if you’re not into skinny girls. It’s okay if the only kind of girls that you find yourself attracted to are six-foot Amazonian women who look like they could break you in half. It’s. Oh. Kay. Who you’re attracted to is completely up to you. But if you don’t even have the balls to let the girl know that you’re no longer interested in dating her in a RESPECTFUL and DECENT way, then you are not much of a man. You are a child, and I demand that you surrender your testicles at once.

Of Adventures And Wandering Out Of the Comfort Zone

“I hate you.” Said the fabulous French man jokingly, as we watched the sun rise while at the most remote beach you will find in Calatagan.

“Look at that sunrise. You would never see that sunrise in France. We have beautiful sunrises too, but not like this. And for that, I hate you. Because you get to see this whenever you want.”

You forget things like that when you’re from a place like the Philippines. You forget things like the fact that when people say we have some of the most gorgeous views in the world, they’re not exaggerating.

I went on a short notice adventure with a bunch of crazy people a couple of weeks ago and it was one of those trips that reminded me why it’s always worth it to get out of your comfort zone and try something new. From the insane drive to the beach in the middle of the night that had us screaming like we were on a roller coaster (this place is LITERALLY at the edge of Luzon. We could see Galera.) to finding myself in the middle of the ocean at the wee hours of the morning scratching off a thing or two from my 30 Things To Do Before I’m 30 list. To the unexpected friendships that you make with people who are from halfway across the world. It’s always, always worth it.

It’s always fascinating to see what happens when you do something that scares you or makes you uncomfortable.

So. Where to next?

An Open Goodbye Letter To Globe Telecom

DISCLAIMER: August 6, 2014

Hey guys! In fairness sa inyo, binabasa niyo pa rin ‘to. Hindi ko talaga alam kung bakit. Hahaha! Anyway, as rib-tickling it is to read all your angry comments as if kayo personally ang inaaway ko at hindi Globe Telecom, at bilang kaarawan ko po bukas, comments will be disabled for the time being. Don’t worry, I’ll enable it again after the weekend! Alam ko na sobrang importante sa inyo na you have to have your opinion heard all the time, but I want to spend my birthday weekend in peace and away from any form of ka-jologan. YEAH, I SAID IT! Hahahaha. Thank you for the 20 thousand hits to the blog rant that I angrily wrote on my phone in just ten minutes! I suddenly feel so relevant!


I have come to accept that sarcasm is lost on the vast majority of the Internet, so yes, I’m being sarcastic.


I get it, I’m the one in the wrong here.

On the one hand, I have an unpaid bill of around 4.5k to Globe from a now inactive work line that has remained unpaid since October last year, certainly becoming a cause of concern for the company. On the other hand, I have been receiving early morning calls, threatening texts and emails, and threats of legal action… For a debt of less than five thousand pesos. I’ve already given the date, time, and place of where I would pay the bill. Parang ransom Lang. Yet I still get threats over and over again. I get it. I’m the one in the wrong here. But I wouldn’t be so annoyed about this if I had been getting stellar service from Globe in the last four years that I have been a postpaid subscriber. But no. We all know that stellar service is not in the nature of Globe, despite what their ludicrous awards say. So this is my open goodbye letter to you, Globe Telecom. I sure hope I can make it count.

I remember moving over to you from Smart in 4th yr high school cos you had the unlitxt promos first, and a boy I was dating bought me a SIM card. Alam no naman, masarap makitextmate sa crush mo. I figured, eh, I’ll spend less on credits. And all my friends are moving to Globe anyway! Well, I have certainly regretted that decision hundreds of times in the last few years.

So here. I’m gonna right my wrong today, and I’m gonna live out the rest of my contract with you for another month. I’m gonna pay off my debts, my gigantic, concerning debt of P4,585 that I have irresponsibly forgotten to pay. I am sorry. I am so, so sorry.

Since according to your agents, these threats are coming straight from the MAIN office, my shame is certainly heightened. But I’m just curious though, did they raise the alarm over at the Multi-million peso Globe Tower? Is there a giant picture of my face all over their offices? Certainly the MAIN OFFICE has me on some sort of MOST WANTED list, because it seems like only the worst of the worst would be hounded by such overachieving billing agents. I am almost proud of my notoriety. But of course, I am more ashamed of how I have wronged you, Globe. I am so, so sorry.

But still, thank you for the memories. Thank you for the fake unlimited data plan. Thank you for the dropped calls, the iMessages that are a day late, and for the exorbitant roaming bill for a country that I wasn’t even in at the time of billing. Thank you that there is absolutely no signal in my house in BF, meaning I have to run outside every time I get a call, no matter if I’m still sleeping in my room or in the middle of a shower. Thanks for the memories. Because these memories will surely be keeping me away forever.

I am so excited to close down my account as soon as my two year lockout is done this august. And I will make it my life’s mission to make sure that I discourage people from from patronizing your product. You do not deserve their business

Goodbye, Globe. I hope, after today, I never even have to so much as think about you ever again. Don’t worry, babayaran ko muna, syempre, yung utang ko sa inyo bago ako umalis. Kawawa naman kasi Kayo eh. Baka namumulubi na kasi Kayo.



Hi Smart. I’m coming home. Can you ever forgive me?

EDIT July 31 2:57 PM

As of today, I have been called twice, texted once and emailed once. Even though I spoke with this same person yesterday and replied to the text that I got earlier today. Gumuguho na yata yung Globe! Naku naku naku.

EDIT July 31 4:09 PM

I call the landline number that has called me at least 5 times regarding this matter, and what answer do I get? “Ay ma’am Smart department po ito.” Hanggang sa pag hanap sa harasser ko, mahahassle ako?? Hahahaha.

EDIT August 3, 2014

This is, by far, my favorite comment:

Screen Shot 2014-08-03 at 7.47.22 PM


Thank you, Philson Legaspi, for making my day.

EDIT August 4, 2014

I would just like to share that, after EVERYTHING that this agency put me through, no one even ever acknowledged receipt of my payment. Ever. Nothing. Radio silence. Round of applause, please!




Of Typhoon Glenda and Disaster Preparedness

The Philippines is no stranger to natural disasters. As a matter of fact, it has been one of the major sources of international attention to the country in the past few years, especially in the wake of typhoon Yolanda (known as Haiyan in international news platforms.) A few days ago, only 8 short months after Yolanda, typhoon Glenda (known as Rammasun internationally), was the latest in the never ending list of storms to tear through the country.

News reports say that Glenda was only technically in the greater Metro Manila area for a total of 3 hours, but it was enough to shut down the entire capital city. Trees, electric posts, even posh malls were seen ripped from the ground, toppled over, and torn apart because of the storm.

My area in the southern part of Metro Manila lost power at around 4:30 Wednesday morning, at what I believe was the height of the storm. It wasn’t until Friday afternoon that the power came back on in my area, but unfortunately the same still cannot be said for a large part of the Metro. Naturally, everyone has been recalling the storm Milenyo, which happened in 2006, and had the same effects that Glenda had, in it that the strong winds were what dealt the most damage, as opposed to the floods of Yolanda. Thankfully, it seems as if Meralco, various telco companies, and even malls and other food establishments seem to have been way more prepared for Glenda this time around, as the power was restored quicker, communication was difficult but not impossible (considering the major telco companies were also not as high tech back in 2006) and most major malls and supermarkets were operational and open as safe havens to those needing power, food, and shelter within 24 hours.

(And yes, I choose to look at the positives of how this storm was handled as opposed to complaining about the lack of power in my house. I am safe and dry, my loved ones are safe and dry, and there are people out there risking their lives for you so that you can charge your cellphone again and get on Facebook. Perspective is in order, people.)

It’s frightening to think that this is only the first storm of our infamous rainy season. This is why everyone needs to make sure that they are prepared for whatever else will come our way this year. The Red Cross has an incredibly helpful Disaster Safety Library that everyone needs to read. Here are the links for the flood safety checklist and the tsunami safety checklist. Remember, one of the reasons that Yolanda had such extensive damage was because so many areas and people simply were not ready for it. Also, here is a helpful list of recommended basic disaster supplies that everyone should have ready in their homes.

Growing up in a country like the Philippines, it is easy to be so desensitized to things like this. Seeing people swimming, living, and working in flood water is not a new thing, and it is easy to forget just how horrible a living condition that is. It is heartbreaking to watch your country be ravaged over, and over, and over again by something that is way beyond your control. But we will get through this, because we are Filipinos. And like that post that goes around the Internet every June 12 says, where I come from, everyone is a hero. You’re in my prayers, Pilipinas.

Let The Cuteness Make You Explode


One of the advantages of being surrounded by so many babies because of your family and friends is that you definitely don’t run out of cuteness to photograph!

The 7107 International Music Festival

It was a festival riddled with controversy, and the sketchy stretched out into way after the festival ended. But hey, the music was spectacular.

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Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

On the S Word

I can’t seem to get myself to sleepyland, so I’ve decided to write, and seeing that it’s just become Valentine’s Day, I’ve decided to write about love. Probably not in the way that you’re thinking, mind you, seeing as I’m not exactly the market for the holiday.

You see, I’ve been single for a long time. Six years and seven months, to be exact. Don’t worry, I just counted now, it’s not something that I keep tabs on or have kept tabs on ever since I became single. I’ve only ever had one serious relationship in my life, and it was in a time when neither my then-boyfriend nor I even knew anything about what it meant to be in a relationship. We were in love, I don’t doubt that, but the stupidity of a teenage college student knows no bounds, and unfortunately our relationship’s demise was the casualty of that stupidity.

So yeah, I’ve been single a while. Kids born when my ex and I broke up are in the first grade now. Holy crap, seriously? Give me a moment to let that sink in.

Okay, moment over.

The thing that people don’t realize about being single is that you probably learn the most about love and relationships during this time of your life, more than you could if you had jumped from one relationship to another.

Which makes sense, if you think about it. For most of us, the saying “hindsight is 20/20” holds too true for comfort, and the only time that we realize and learn from all the stupid things we did/put up with/believed during that relationship is when we’ve cleared our heads from the gooey muck that comes with being in love and are able to have a clear look at what happened. The dust settles and you start to see things for what they were.

Don’t get me wrong; I know that there is as treasure-trove of things that you learn only when you’re in a relationship. But that doesn’t necessarily take away from its validity.

Of course, the things that you learn about love and relatinships while you’re single will really depend on the kinds of relationships that you have around you. And I just happen to be blessed enough to be surrounded by relationships that I can both admire and aspire to. There’s the relationship of my parents, that teach me the realities of being married to someone, and actually spending majority of your time together with that person. I have my sister and her husband’s relationship, which is something that is closer to my current situation because they’re closer my age. Then there are the relationships of my best friends, none of whom are married yet but are all in varied states of commitment and life situations. These are the relationships that I can look at, observe, and learn from. And somehow it feels like a soldier training and preparing for battle, learning how to put on his armor and learning how to use his weapons and his shield.

(Believe me, the implications of the fact that I see relationships as like some sort of war are not lost of on me.)

Being single for this long is quite an experience, and its not one that a lot of people can say they have. Long-time abstinence from relationships is far less common than serial monogamy, and in my opinion, much healthier. When I was younger and was going on year 2 or 3, I started thinking that maybe I was the problem, as women tend to do when they realize that the men that they meet that are interested in them hold no spark for them whatsoever, but are of course attracted to the assholes. Then by around year 5, I found myself at peace with not having a partner in life. Around that time, I had found myself feeling something closely resembling love for a man that I knew would never love me in that way. He of course ended up marrying someone else and eventually faded out of my life, and it was then that I realized that he wasn’t the right guy for me anyway because marriage was in his mind and I was far from it. Eons. Light years.

I’m not saying it’s been easy. I’ve been angry. I’ve been bitter. I’ve been desperate. I’ve been stopped dead in my tracks as the thought “I’m in my mid-20s and I’ve never had a serious, committed relationship as an adult,” flashed through my brain. I’ve sworn off men, I’ve declared an undying love for my shoes that no man could ever coax out of me, hell, I’m determined to become a cat lady one day. I’ve felt something closely resembling love for boys who was all sorts of wrong for me, and though the last time that happened the dude was the first one to declare and use the word “love,” I still find myself, today on the day of love, without a relationship, without a partner. It hasn’t been easy, and God knows it can get unbearably lonely, but it has been the best experience of my life that I could have ever hoped for.

I see myself working and following my dreams all over the world. I see myself diving into oceans and climbing mountains, meeting new people and experiencing new things. I can go out and party with new friends, or I can laze around for an entire day without showering and just enjoy a good book. I can flirt with that cute guy or enjoy an awesome girl’s night without having to report in to anyone. And whatever happens, I will always be able get into my car, and get myself safely home. That is the kind of woman that I’ve become through the years of singledom. I can lug ten grocery bags up six flights of stairs. I can unclog a toilet. If there’s a rat in my apartment, I can get rid of it myself – albeit with a lot of screaming and throwing things around. I can do all that because I’ve had to do it all for myself all this time, and I’m a stronger person for it.

So here’s to you. If right now you’re reading this and you’re single, starting to feel the bitterness creeping in despite yourself, counting the hours until Valentine’s day is another 365 days away, remember this: being single isn’t a curse. If you play your cards right, it can be the best thing that’s ever happened to you. If you learn, if you grow as a person, if you open yourself up to happiness that is certainly attainable without being in a relationship with someone, you will find that being single will be the best thing that’s ever happened to you. And believe me, you are in for an amazing ride.

So this is 25.

There are two kinds of ages. There’s one kind that just sort of passes, I call them the “awkward ages” (19, 22). Then there are those that feel like age milestones. We’re all familiar with the sweet sixteen, the becoming legal at 18, and the becoming “universally legal” at the age of 21. The first age milestone that I remember was when I turned 13. “I’m a teenager now” was the thrilling thought that would enter my head. After that was 16, when I felt like it was about time that I started doing some teenager-y things. Funnily enough my 18th birthday wasn’t really an age milestone for me, but actually it was the 19th. It was the end of my teenage years and I felt like I hadn’t really made the most of them (so I got busy making up for lost time. Phew that was a crazy year.) Then the next would be the age that I am now, 25. For the past six years I’ve felt like I was stuck feeling like I was still 19 years old, but now I finally feel like my own age.

Everyone has their opinion about being in your 20s. The internet is filled with articles on what we in our 20s should and should not do, the kinds of career advice that people our age should be hearing, stuff like that (if thoughtcatalog went into your head then you need to leave. Like, right now.) It’s kind of tiring, really, wanting to listen to the wise words of people that you respect that have been where you are now but also making sure that you make it your own and never just live your life the way that you think the world expects you to. I love being in my 20s, but these days I just cannot wait to be 30. Thirty sounds good right about now.

iPhone 2057
I would like to thank SnR for being the official sponsor for my 25th birthday chaos. Also, for just being awesome.

My birthday this year was really great, though. I haven’t really had a birthday party since my 20th because my birthday is in August and in the Philippines August usually means that the city is slowly getting drowned by twenty million typhoons and tropical depressions. So as much as I would like to make a fuss about my birthday every year, people have more important things to think about usually hahaha. This year my housemate and I decided to throw a joint party in the week in between our birthdays, mine being August 7 and hers being July 17. So imagine 10 different sets of friends. Chaos ensued. It was a good night.

iPhone 2060
I would like to give a special shoutout to Aussy. Because you know why. :))

My birthday week was pretty insane. My birthday was on a Wednesday, and the Sunday before that I was working. Monday, I was working until 8am the next day, preparing for an important pitch. Tuesday morning I got home at 9:30am, showered, gussied up, and was picked up by the company driver. Five minutes after we left our place, my boss texts saying the pitch was moved to the next day due to the heavy rains. So yes, I woke up early and had a pitch on my birthday. C’est la vie. So I went home and was wide awake, God knows why, so I slept a bit and was talking to a friend on the phone and so I was up until I had to leave for my birthday salubong at 9pm, and of course I couldn’t sleep anymore, blah blah blah you get the picture.

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Apparently I kept telling everyone at my salubong that I hadn’t slept in 36 hours, and I didn’t even realize that I just kept saying that over and over again. I guess that was the only thing running through my head the whole time, hahaha. It was such a chill night, with good friends and good company and good conversation, and really it was all I would have wanted to greet in another year of my life.

So only four hours of sleep and then an early ass pitch the next day on my birthday itself wasn’t the most ideal way to spend my birthday but at least I was home by lunch time and my boss even bought me a gift! Ysabel took me out for early dinner/any excuse to have sushi at Roku in Katipunan and guyssss you have to eat there but that’s a blog entry for another day.

Do yourself a favor and eat at Roku. No, seriously.

Birthday dinner with the family was at Sariwon Korean BBQ in the Fort, worth every penny because everything tasted authentic and delicious. I was sang happy birthday to in Korean, which was surreal but hilarious, and I think there’s a video of it somewhere out there in the world. It’s very awkward to get sung to in restaurants. The song goes on for quite a while and the initial shock of a bunch of people surprising you with a song and a cake wears of after five seconds. So them you’re left with just another minute of looking around and… not really knowing what to do.

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with Ysab, of course! Hahaha

We had coffee afterwards and we chilled and we talked any they gave me pressies! and it was just a good day and a good night overall. At that point the hours I’d been awake were like x6 of the hours I had spent sleeping, but I don’t get to celebrate my birthday as much as I’d like to so I didn’t really want to be miss any of it. Screw sleep! I’ll sleep when I’m dead!

This is 25: After all the hullaballoo, it felt good to go home to my apartment and just get some sleep, glorious sleep.
This is 25: After all the hullaballoo, it felt good to go home to my apartment and just get some sleep, glorious sleep.

Being 25 feels like a milestone age for me. Somehow, I finally feel 25. For six years I felt like I was some teenager who was being given more and more responsibilities and whom higher and higher expectations were being subjected to and I could never really catch up. It’s a recurring topic amongst me and my friends about the differences that we feel with our bodies now that we’re getting a little bit older. Twenty five is young compared to the bigger picture but man I sure do feel old whenever I think of the time when I was actually nineteen as opposed to just feeling like I’m nineteen.

But it’s all good. I’m enjoying getting older. I’m enjoying knowing better and being able to look at myself six years ago and be happy with where I am now. Not yet satisfied, sure,I mean who is, really? But happy. I feel older and I’m okay with that. Not to mention that feeling like you’re getting out of your quarterlife crisis just as you turn 25 is also considered a good thing. Man, just thinking about two years ago is making me shudder.

But with all that being said, let us never forget that we all need, from time to time, to have experiences that will still make us feel like this:

As a matter of fact, let me get right on that right now.

On Friendships

People always tell you that the older you get, the fewer friends you will have. I always believed this because I always wondered why older people seemed to not have as much friends as those in their teens or 20s do, so I figured natural selection also played a role in the friends that end up staying in your life, but rather than being survival of the fittest, it became survival of the ones that deserved to be there.

I grew up being told that I didn’t have to be around people that didn’t deserve to be in my life. Friendship is earned, not expected. If someone’s so-called friendship isn’t worth it anymore, then walk away. If they aren’t enriching your life in any way, walk away. You can always make new friends. While this may not have been the healthiest outlook when trying to build strong friendships in my teens and early twenties, it’s definitely become more and more applicable the older I’ve become. I’ve found the people that I want in my life and I want around my future children’s lives, so I’m finding that I’m slowly weeding out the ones that don’t really deserve to be in my life. I’m not talking about cutting ties or severing friendships, but I am talking about putting importance on the opinions and actions of the right people. These days, I just can’t find it in me to give a shit about what a majority of the people in my life think and feel about what I say and do. Other than my family and the select group of friends that have proven themselves to be the real deal, frankly, I don’t really give a damn what you have to say about anything.

Never Had

Sometimes I wonder if I really want some of the things that I never had or if I just want them all the more just because they were denied of me. Typical human nature, to want what we can’t have, what was denied of us despite our asking for it. It’s stuff like this that make humans so shitty yet at the same time its flaws like these that make us who we are as a species. That can either be good or bad depending on where you’re coming from.

We hold on to moments and use them to justify bigger things, but in the end moments aren’t enough, and sooner or later you’re gonna have to realize that those moments that you’re holding on to are long gone. And you’re still here, holding on to something that you should have let go of a long, long time ago.

I had myself convinced for the longest time that I want something sane, something simple. But I’m not sane and I’m not simple, so why the hell was I looking for that?

Maybe, hopefully, next time that I fall in love, it will be grand.

“Wherever I go, whatever I do, I wonder where I am in my relationship to you. Wherever you go, wherever you are, I watch your life play out in pictures from afar.”

Phillip + Maja

I don’t do weddings very often but when I do, it always fascinates me how very different each and every couple is. The dynamics, the temperaments, even the kind of love that they have between each other is always different. I’m always left with so many thoughts afterwards. (Well, as I am with everything.)

Phillip and Maja’s story is a special one, having been childhood sweethearts that met on accident more than a decade later. When Phillip saw Maja walking towards the FX that he was riding, he made it a point to not miss that chance, now here they are six years later, married and still laughing. Isn’t that a lovely story?











On Looking Back

I’ve been staring at this blank screen for about an hour now. I think I’ve typed out and erased what I’ve written around 10 times. I used to love to write. I still love to write. Why is it so hard now? Why do things that always used to be easy end up being hard after some time? Who knows.

Because of certain events that have happened in my life recently, I found myself digging up my old journals. I have a whole box of them, sitting under my bed in my parents’ house. I don’t even have all of them, maybe about half. I distinctly remember having a journal in the first grade, but with all the moving that my family has done in my life, it’s probably somewhere in a pile of trash by now. Although I’d like to think it ended up in someone’s pile of old stuff in their garage. Maybe someone will find them one day and laugh about the little girl writing about how she wanted to punch her classmates in the face because they wouldn’t pick up the trash.

It was a painful thing, reading my ramblings from ten, eleven years ago. I was such a whiny little fourteen year-old. But then, I tend to think all teenage girls are whiny and annoying. And to think I wasn’t even one of the girly ones.

It struck me how alike and different I was to my sixteen year-old self. 2005 was a weird year.

It also struck me how I wrote in such detail. Is this a teenage thing? These days it’s so easy to document one’s life through tweets and facebook statuses and Instagram pictures. It’s a whole other thing to take the time to sit down with my journal and write down all these minute details of my day. Sometimes those were the ones that were most priceless.

I also didn’t realize how freakin’ boy crazy I was. It was one boy to the next then back again. It was hilarious/painful. I was so eager to fall in love.

It was unnerving to read one particular journal. I could see the tone in my writing change. It changed from this hilariously naive and bitchy little teenage girl who called every single boy “not good enough” to this… I don’t know. Quieter? Yeah. I think that’s the right word. To this quieter girl. I fell in love for the first time, and I got quieter. I was waiting so long, sometimes impatiently, to fall in love and have these emotions sweep me off my feet, and as it turns out, I wasn’t quite sure what to do with the feelings when they came. I was sixteen. What did I know.

Look at that. I was almost completely honest. How utterly terrifying.

Cheers To Mr. And Mrs. Krause

These days it’s not that far off to always assume that when people get married at a pretty young age (and to me, 24 is young) there has to be some kind of reason other than love. Not these two. Anyone who attended that wedding stood witness to something so rare and precious.

I’ve known Jena since we were both little kids running around with snot dripping out of our noses. We’ve seen each other grow in maturity, discovered boys together, and have formed a friendship that I know will overcome time and distance. So despite her settling down in London with her new husband (!!!), I know that her friendship is something that I will always have.

To the lovely couple, I’m still reeling from your big day! Here’s to many happy years (and babies!) together.

The wedding was held at the always gorgeous Club Balai Isabel in Tagaytay. :)